Purposeless Post #1

So, it's about 12:20 am. I'm sitting here, staring at my screen, thinking that I want to write, yet not knowing what about. Perhaps I'll write about some strange philosophical thought that I've had in the past couple days. But now I realize that I really haven't had any ground-breaking thoughts (or at least none that I'm going to share with you ;) ). Perhaps I'll write about some peculiar hobby of mine and share some sort of introspective thought based on my interactions via that hobby. And yet, I realize that my hobbies include: writing this, teaching math, playing cards, and watching anime. Nothing too interesting there, right? Perhaps I'll share with you a review of the past week or so of my life, share a couple interesting anecdotes, and let that be that. However, no one's really interested in that, right?

I continuously think about purpose. I've said before that purpose is unnecessary for continued existence, but purpose always provides motivation for that existence. Mostly, I think about the purpose of my actions. Particularly, why the hell I'm typing words into a page at 12:30 at night when I have no idea my reasons behind doing so. Honestly, I've begun to lose sight as to why I started this in the first place. Then again, I really didn't have a purpose when I started this blog: I just did it. I'm not sure if I want this to be a place simply for me to vent my excess frustrations and thoughts, or if I want it to become more. I'm not sure if I want this to be simply a medium for a small subset of my friends to express their thoughts on whatever subject matter they choose, or if I want it to become larger, involving more people.

I guess I'm just a huge pile of conflicting purposes right now. I want this to remain intimate and directed towards my friends, but everyday, I still check Google Webmaster Tools to check when's the last time my site was indexed by Google. Everyday I check Google Analytics to see how many new visitors I received, from where, for how long, and from what medium. Everyday i check my Adsense homepage to see if I earned .0005 cents today or not. Yet, none of this is really consistent with my desire to keep this just among my friends.

I really don't know. Perhaps it's because I don't really know how many people actually read this crap. Thus, I really have no motivation to write when I'm not especially interested in something (hence why I've come to write once every 3-4 days now instead of every day. And even when I do write, the posts have been pretty underdeveloped). Even if I had say, a handful of regular readers, that would be enough to encourage me to write for their entertainment, and not just for my own. Yet, all my data analysis on Google Analytics (yea, I really like that sort of stuff), has led me to believe that such is not the case.

Maybe it's because Judd keeps writing about fighting games that makes me wish that more people would come forward to write (to enhance the blog of course, not because I hate fighting games or anything like that. Seriously. Yea). But, I guess it takes a certain breed of person, like Judd, Matt, and Me, that wants/is able to express their thoughts via a written medium to desire to write on a blog.

But eh, this post has been pretty pointless. Just me sorta venting my ideas, even though I don't even know what I want or which direction I wish to pursue. But then again, nobody really reads this, so I guess it's of no consequence.

This one goes out to Judd, because I tried watching it at his house and he got scared cause he thought his dad was gonna disown him: perhaps the most unintentionally gay music video of all-time (key word is unintentionally), courtesy of TM Revolution (wow, check out 0:36. That's so hot in all the wrong ways).